A New Friend - Very Drunk and Delirious

I had a nice little ride with a new friend today. I was getting into my car after putting my laundry into one of the dryers at the Laundromat when a city bus dropped a woman off across the street. She came up to me and asked if I could give her a ride. At least I assumed that’s what she said, she was slurring her speech dramatically. I had nowhere to be so I said, “Hop in” and we left.

From what I ascertained, she wanted a ride to McDonald’s, or to an apartment building near McDonald’s. I could only understand about 25% of her speech. She asked me my name 5 times and told me I was a fine-looking man, movie star fine. That part I heard – I have an ear for compliments. I also made out the sentence, “Ok, I’m not gonna lie… I’m a little tipsy”. This was humorous. She was not “I had one too many” drunk, or even “oops, that wasn’t a liter of water I just drank” drunk, she was “if I have one more sip I am going to die of alcohol poisoning in your car and you are going to have a lot of explaining to do” drunk.

When I again told her my name was Bill after one of the times she asked, she said, “You lyin’”. I said, “No, really. What, I don’t look like a Bill?” She said that I did not. I asked her what I looked like then. She thought for a moment and then said, “Dean”. This is odd for a few reasons: A) There aren’t many people my age named Dean, and B) my dad’s name is Dean. I told her so and then she began saying some more things that I could not comprehend.

After she pointed me in about twelve different directions, we arrived at some apartments near McDonald’s. She hauled out a grocery bag of used DVDs and asked me if I wanted to buy some. I said no, but I gave her two dollars anyway. She wanted more than that, but I assured her that I was not a rich movie star. Eventually, she got out of the car. I said it was nice meeting her and then she wandered off toward McDonald’s or perhaps toward the liquor store that was just across the street in the same direction. It was a good way to kill a few minutes while waiting for my laundry to dry.